i hate it when i just cant let go.
the holidays are finally here after the extra lessons
it gave me time to think like i used to.
and it made me realise something.
that two terms that passed by,
is nothing other me trying to keep myself busy so that i wont be thinking.
i still cant forget.
no matter how hard i try.
that part of my memory comes back.
it came back bit by bit.
it makes me feel the pain again and again.

this is has been so pressurising for me.
i felt so stressed out.
i didnt mention the word stress at all in my posts.
but i really cant take it.
it feels as if there is this huge pile and things on top of me.
so heavy that i couldnt breath anymore.
i want my rest. from everything.
i feel like running away.
running away to jaejoong.
and tell him how much im suffering.
and hugging him tightly never letting go.
but that wont happen.
and he wont like it if im so weak.
i just know he dont.
but i really need someone to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be all okay.
i need someone to let out everything to.
all the secrets that we can share witth eachother.
someone which will understand me finally.
someone which will be there for me because they know that i need it
not people that i try to act tough in front of all the time
i was thinking what should i do if i met jaejoong one day,
i think i will start crying.
hahahaha im so weird right?
i think, im TOO overly attached to him.
a little too much.
it isnt good, but not all bad.
he gives me faith to work hard.